Best of 2012

Here are some fond memories as a parent in 2012:

• Our first wine tasting post-baby in Monterey, with our son in the front pack
• Weekend family naps
• Visiting the Orangerie at night, with Debussy playing in the background. We three walked back to the Metro with the Eiffel Tower framed by orange and purple clouds in the setting sun.
• Lying in bed in Paris with our little guy snoozing in between us, windows open and listening to a warm rain on the streets
• Visiting the Menagerie zoo and then finishing up our illegal picnic on the grass moments before the police came to shoo us away
• Traintown in Sonoma, where we blew bubbles, rode on a merry-go-round, and our little guy's foot got licked by a goat
• Family gatherings throughout the year
• Walking back from an evening “bring your baby to the movies” event, and seeing the fog rolling through the hills
• Butterflies and baby ostriches at the Academy of Sciences
• Seeing our usually light-eating son chowing down on his birthday cake
• Drinking champagne and eating ice cream cake to celebrate one year of being parents

 2012 was the year that our son went from being a little baby who couldn’t roll over or sit up to being a toddler who chats, gives kisses, plays peekaboo, walks, hugs, eats and brings us toys. I can’t wait to see what the next year brings. Fingers crossed that “sleeping through the night” will be on the list.

Packing Tips

I love to pack as minimally as possible and don't mind underpacking or stress about accidentally leaving some things behind if I know that I can purchase them at my destination. However, there is no good way to pack minimally with a wee one.

They have so much bulky equipment--cribs, bouncers, high chairs, strollers, car seats. They go through stacks of diapers and wipes. They can't wear their clothes more than once between washings. How one pares down to the essentials for a vacation really depends on your tolerance for lugging things around versus your desire for convenience and familiarity when you are at your destination. It also depends on how long you plan to stay, how you will get there, and how you will get around.

The key thing is balancing familiar with new, comforting with stimulating. With each baby this will be different.

We manage to get his things in one very small suitcase and in one diaper bag. If we're traveling by car, we will throw in the high chair since it breaks down so easily. This is what we find helpful:

• Familiar snacks that aren't messy (e.g. dry cereal, crackers, fruit pouches)
• One set of utensils and a bib that can be wiped
• Whatever is needed for drinking
• Three small, open-ended toys (e.g. something from the bath, a little lovie, and a little car). Too many toys take up space and are easy to lose. The new environment and you are the entertainment on vacation.
• A favorite book
• A whole pack of diapers and wipes so that you don't have to buy them right away. When you travel back, there will be that empty space in the case for souvenirs.
• A couple muslin blankets, good for sleeping, nursing in public, peekaboo, putting non-mobile babies down on the floor or grass, and wiping up drool when nothing else is in reach
• Clothes for every day, PJs, plus a couple emergency outfits that could work as PJs or day clothes
• Bath soap, pain relief for teething, nail clippers, and cream

Travels with Tots

My husband is from France, and I am from a city that is 400 miles away from where we live. Family is important to both of us, so we’ve already logged some major travel time. I love the packing and planning that precedes vacation and I look forward to the increased activity that comes with being in a new environment. I even used to look forward to the actual travel time, the calm between the flurry of packing and the hurry of arrival.

With a child, travel still has its joys, but oh how things have changed. On a twelve-hour flight to France when our son was six months old, I didn’t watch a single movie or read a book. What used to be a six-hour drive to see my family is now an eight-hour one. I once read every sign at museums and contemplated every work of art; I now study the museum's offerings beforehand and pick out a few things that I want to see. No longer do we leave in the morning with our packs and return at the end of the day exhausted; instead, we aim to get back to home base in the middle of each day for either a nap or quiet time. This is necessary for all of us because vacation no longer means sleeping in.

We are still learning about what works, but we have found that travel with our little guy works best when we are able to strike a balance between familiar and new. We also are mindful of selecting a few meaningful activities rather than committing to a bunch of "must-do" activities. And whether traveling or at home, it is good to know everyone's limits. A happy two hours in a museum is better than experiencing a tantrum in the fourth hour and needing to rush back to home base with a cranky, hungry, bored, or exhausted family member.

Christmas Grinch

A very tired little guy, opening gifts

Now that Christmas has come and gone, our son's room is strewn with toys that don't fit in the toy box. Time for the Christmas Grinch to steal toys!

I've been going through the house, bagging things for a Goodwill drop off, and his room was not spared. I aimed to take out as many things as he received. Some things that are leaving include a helicopter that alternated between playing the noises of chopping propellers and tinny music, some baby rattles, and a toy that was supposed to encourage tummy time but that really only got a month of use because it frustrated him when it rolled away and he couldn't crawl after it.

Keeping the house free of clutter and keeping the floor safe for a toddler is a never ending chore. Frequent trips to the Goodwill combined with an organized system of storage makes things easier to control. I wonder how long the Christmas Grinch can get away with "stealing" unneeded toys, and whether our son will eventually be able to pare down his collection on his own without too much fuss.

Christmas Gifts

Last year we didn't get any gifts for our then 2-month-old. He received plenty from grandparents, aunts, and uncles. And really, at that age, the gifts were for us. Who appreciates first Christmas ornaments and cute pajamas more than the parents?

This year, we've got a toddler, and even though he still doesn't know what Christmas is, we are thinking about building traditions that will last a lifetime. I would like Christmas gifts to be thoughtful and useful rather than stuff stuff stuff. I would like Christmas to be about joy, anticipation, and appreciation. I would like Christmas to ride the wave of gratitude that we get on Thanksgiving.

For fostering anticipation and appreciation, go to this post at the Frugal Girl blog. She suggests something she calls "strategic deprivation." Basically, meet the child's needs, but don't give them extras year round and then expect them to appreciate what they get for Christmas. Because being a good model is the best way to teach children positive behavior, I have also been practicing this for myself. About a month ago I ran out of the perfume I wear every day; instead of buying some for myself right away, I've done without and asked my husband for it for Christmas. This grants more meaning to something that is, after all, an extra. So, between our October birthdays and Christmas, no new extras unless they go under the tree!

We gave the topic some thought, and we've come up with this Christmas list for our little one: one very special pop-up book, a pair of pajamas, a warm hooded sweater, and dump truck that I know he will love. We'll see if we can maintain these categories for years to come: a special book, pajamas, something of good quality to wear, and a toy that he really really wants.

Holiday Decorations

We put up a tree and other holiday decorations this past Sunday, and I finally composted the mini pumpkin and gourd that he had been rolling around. Fall is over and the winter holiday season has officially started.

Every morning I take my little guy into the dining room to check out the tree. He brushes a few bulbs with his fingertips, he sticks his finger in the toothy mouth of the furry German nutcracker, and he pushes back and forth a toy car that his great-grand papi played with 80 years ago in France.

In the evenings, we turn on the lights (wrapped in the upper branches of the tree, out of his reach), and he lets out a little gasp and once again lightly caresses a few ornaments with his fingertips. We check the mail, open the cards and feel the glitter or embossing, and put them up on the mantel.

It will be so fun when our son can help make cards and cookies and is singing songs and talking about Santa. He won't even remember the little memories that we are making now. But I certainly cherish them.

Last Day in Infant Room

During the past couple of weeks, my little guy has been transitioning from his infant classroom to the toddler room. Tomorrow he will officially spend the entire day with the toddlers.

Transitioning isn't just for the tots--I have some transitioning to do as well. Because the routine is set, I will need to drop him off by 9 so he can participate in the snack time. In the infant room, we showed up any time between 9 and 9:30, but I always played a bit and then left at around 9:30. I don't think I will be hanging out in the toddler classroom as much. I am a little sad about that since I really enjoyed getting to know all of the little characters in the infant room. Will I even get to know the toddlers in this room?

There are also different expectations about the food. Before, I packed a mix of finger foods and foods to be spoonfed. Now, finger foods are preferred. Before, he had a little spot in the class refrigerator for his food. Now, I will need to provide a lunch box. Before, all his milk was in two bottles. Now, he will come to school with only one bottle, and the rest will be poured from his thermos.

So far the transition for our son has been going great! He's been sleeping and eating more, and the stories that he "tells" during dinner seem pretty entertaining. Now let's see how I will do with the transition.

Articles about Play

Play is so important for children--it helps them discover the world around them, figure out how physics works, and think logically. It also is good for their creativity, social emotional development, and physical development. That's why I wanted our son to go to a school with play-based emergent curriculum rather than one that focused only on ABCs and 123s.

There have been two interesting articles lately about play. One is about a teacher who replaced all of the toys in his classroom with boxes. And the kids loved it. This is especially good to keep in mind with the holiday season coming up. Children really do not need a lot of toys, especially battery-operated ones.  Open-ended toys such as balls, blocks, dolls, and containers can be used imaginatively.

Another article talked about how very young children are capable of learning and being logical, if allowed to play and figure things out themselves rather than being directly taught. Recent studies indicate what those of us who work and live with children have already suspected--even before they turn one, young children are capable of understanding jokes, figuring out sequences, and knowing when someone needs a hug.

Favorite Toys at One Year

Lately we've been going a park that has a sandbox. I always pack a plastic ice cream pint container filled with an empty chevre cheese tub and a few metal lids, and my little guy has a blast digging and scratching the surface with those. Until another kids comes along with a dump truck. Luckily Christmas is coming up!

We have DIY'd toys with success--tissue wrapping paper, plastic food containers, mini pumpkins, an empty tissue box with a toy hidden inside. We get most of our manufactured toys secondhand. Here are some that he likes at one year:

• Stacking boxes
• Farm animal puzzles--particularly one that makes sounds
• Wooden blocks--my mom found over a hundred of them used
• A little yellow Hot Wheel
• Wooden truck (anything with wheels, really)
• A sit and ride toy 
• Anything that can be a drum, including a drum
• Tambourine
• Balls

Diapers

On Wednesday morning I realized that our son needed diaper wipes at school, so I brought our only pack, leaving us none at home. Everything was closed on Thanksgiving, and I certainly wasn't going anywhere near Target on Black Friday. Luckily, we have cloth wipes and diapers that we use in combination with disposables, so we are never really "out" of diapers or wipes.

In general, we use cloth diapers during the day and paper ones at night, during vacations, and in our to-go diaper bag. At school, he uses cloth diapers but disposable wipes. As with everything parenting related, it is good to start out idealistic but be flexible for those times when you need to go down the easiest path.

We use Bum Genius diapers and like those. They have a snap system, so it is one size fits all. They are a pricey investment, though. For wipes, we use Baby Kicks organic cotton-hemp blend and a little squirt bottle. Those are amazing and never stain! They are also soft for wiping noses. It is good to start out with between 20-25 of each. Some people install an attachment to their toilet to rinse out the diapers, but we didn't do that, and nothing bad has happened to us or the diapers or our machine. We simply shake out anything solid into the toilet and then wash all of the diapers and wipes in one load every two or three days. It's really not as gross as I expected it would be.

Disposable diapers are expensive and so wasteful. Cloth diapers are expensive initially and take more time to deal with. Neither is perfect. I took a post-natal yoga class where one mom was already potty-training her 3 month old. Who knows how that worked for her; for most of us, we have to figure out how to deal with diapering for about two years.

Highchairs

During the festive season, it is common for us to eat meals out of the home. Our son would love to always dine while sitting on my lap, but I would not love the mess. When we went to my mom's house for Thanksgiving, we brought our highchair with us. When we ate dinner at our friends' house this evening, we used their highchair, which happens to be the same as ours--the $25 Ikea Antilop chair. I have seen highchairs as expensive as $650, but this Ikea one does the job beautifully.

First we had a Chicco chair that my mom found at the Goodwill. It was huge, and the seat was padded. Our little guy was tiny and frightened to sit in it, and it was a cleaning nightmare. The Ikea chair that we use now has a super simple design with a small footprint, it is easy to move around, and--most importantly--is a breeze to wipe clean.

Here are some things to consider when shopping for a highchair:

• It must be easy to clean--padding is not easy to clean, and it can get disgusting. Babies do not need padding on their bums to eat. They are already wearing diapers. They do not need padding on their backs because they should be sitting up anyway, not leaning back.
• It should be easy to disassemble so you can take it with you, if so desired.
• It should fit your child. Most babies are ready to sit up and eat when they are about 6 months. If they can't sit up without support, they aren't ready to eat solids or go in a highchair. Wait until the baby needs the chair; it is easy to overestimate how big a 6 month old is.
• It should be light enough to move around or have wheels. The highchair we have is so easy to move that it also serves as a push toy that our son enjoys moving from the kitchen to the dining room.
• It should fit the space where it will live for about 2 years. 

We are happy with our highchair and the money we saved could be spent on bibs, spoons, and sippy cups.

Hiking, or More Accurately, Ambling

Today we went on a hike with friends and their dog. Since my son has been walking, he prefers to hold my finger and walk rather than being held. With his little legs toddling along, it was more of an amble than a hike.

We are only a half hour drive from a redwood forest that is full of sights, sounds, smells, and things for a toddler to touch. For much of the hike, he waved around a huge, perfectly shaped yellow leaf, fanning his face with it. He woofed and pointed at every dog that passed by. He stuck his finger in mud. Then he stuck both hands in mud. He dabbled in a little puddle that had formed in the hollow of a fallen tree. The smell of moss and redwood and moist earth were a change from our regular environment, as was the lack of train and car sounds.

The hike with the little guy was free and required no extra "things," which for me is a better way to spend the afternoon on the Friday after Thanksgiving than shopping with throngs of deal-seekers. Let's leave Christmas shopping to another day and enjoy our dwindling days of sunshine.

I am Thankful for My Little Family

Life is certainly not easier with a child. Or cleaner. Or cheaper. Or quieter. But it is great.

I am thankful for these moments of happiness: Hearing my son talking to himself in the morning when he wakes up; seeing his little head bob from side to side to music; listening in on the laughter that he and my husband share during bath time; watching him walking around while waving toys in his hand, jabbering dadada. I love it when he puts his arms up for me to hold him, then he puts his head on my shoulder and says "aw." I love it when he tries to feed me Cheerios and then cracks up when I actually eat one. I love it when he toddles with his push toy, delivering the newspaper from the front of the house to the kitchen in his little pajamas.

When my husband comes home from work, he rings his bike bell, and my son gets so excited that he kicks his little feet and looks toward the back door, whispering "papa, papa, papa." I know how he feels, because nothing is better than the three of us together. I feel lucky to have gotten the son that I have and to have discovered the dad that my husband is, and I'm so thankful for the little family we have created.

I am Thankful for Good Food

Tonight we ate wild mushroom and chevre pizza and drank wine while we chopped, steamed and sautéed food for tomorrow. This is part of our Thanksgiving tradition, and it reminds me how grateful I am to have excellent food choices all around me.

We get most of our food from a farmers market, but Berkeley has grocery stores with fabulous selections, whether we need local produce or products from other countries. Want fair trade organic 70% dark chocolate? Check. Want black rice? Check. Need half a gallon of whole goat milk? No problem. Recipe calls for saffron? Choose from five options. Our son gets to eat cardamom ice cream, persimmons, Asian pears, organic avocados, goat milk yogurt, and roast beets. What a lucky little guy, I think, as he throws half of it on the floor.

We used to live in an apartment building that had a needle exchange van visit once a week. The needle exchange offered free food to the clients and also to the people who lived in the building. We accepted the food because we were rather poor at the time, living in a mildewy studio in a building with evidently a high number of needle users. There was always cabbage, pasta, and day old bread. I often made braised cabbage and pasta with peanuts; this I remembered when I recently found the recipe that I used to use. We also would go to a bagel shop for a dozen day-old bagels which we would eat for lunch with freshly ground peanut butter. The food budget was low, but we never had to skip a meal.

Good food is all around us, even when we don't have much money to spend on it. It is easy to forget how lucky we are that there is an excess of food available to us, much of it affordable, and not all of it junk. I am thankful for the food choices I have, and I am thankful that my son can be exposed to such a wide variety.

I am Thankful for Health Care

I am thankful and privileged to have comprehensive health care benefits. My entire pregnancy was free, and it was filled with check-ups, ultrasounds, and classes. My unplanned C-Section and the unexpected few days in the hospital were free. My labor did not go well, and if it weren't for our health care provider, who knows what would have happened. Follow-up appointments with a lactation nurse to make sure we had mastered the all-important latch--that was free, too.

All of my son's doctors appointments and vaccines have also thankfully been without cost to us. When he had an abscess on his bum, we were able to email our doctor, take him in for care, get antibiotics, and then call again when we had questions. When he had a 104 degree fever, we were given clear directions and were reassured that we could take care of him at home. Sometimes I grumble that they create too much anxiety in the name of prevention, but I am so grateful for our doctors whose expertise and information is available to us for little to no cost.

As with childcare, it is truly unfortunate that we can't all have equitable access to the same level of high quality health services. I am certainly not any more worthy of comprehensive healthcare than other women whose jobs do not cover maternity and pediatric care. When I reflect upon what I'm thankful for, it is impossible not to imagine the alternative reality that exists for so many.

I am Thankful for Early Childhood Educators

I am thankful that we are able to bring my son to a high quality childcare center that is two blocks from our home and filled with toys, activities, and friends. Even if I didn't work, I know that he would do well in this environment.

I am especially thankful for his teachers. Besides changing diapers, wiping noses, and warming bottles, my son's teachers do the following: create a safe environment that can be explored freely; model how to treat each other gently and with patience; observe each child to learn individual signs for hunger, sleepiness, and boredom; determine how to react and care for a child who has fallen or bumped his head (in a class of infants learning to walk, this probably happens 100 times a day); plan developmentally appropriate activities for the babies to learn about the world around them; talk with anxious and stressed out first-time parents; monitor babies for constipation, allergic reactions, and illness; and of course, they make sure each child is loved.

I used to work at a childcare, so I know that the work is difficult and often underpaid. And while it is rewarding work, it is often thankless and undervalued work. The best way to show thanks? I believe that it makes a difference when teachers are paid a fair wage and have access to the same types of benefits and time-off that I have. After all, what they do from 9 to 5 is far more important than what I do--or what many of us do--during that time.

He's a Boy

Guessing gender of stranger babies is a tricky task, which is why I usually say things like, "Aw! What's your baby's name?" en lieu of playing he/she roulette. Clothes are basically the only clues we get, and those are not always clear indications. I live in Berkeley where ideas about what is "gender appropriate" are flexible, yet I don't try to make anything difficult for anyone--a lot of my son's clothes are blue or "boyish"--plaid shirts, rugby stripes, cargo pants, etc.

For some reason, about 75% of the time, a stranger will assume that my son is a girl, even when he is decked out in blue from head to toe. It happens almost daily, sometimes more than once a day. "Oh she's a pretty baby!" "How old is she?" and so on. After a year of this, I don't tend to correct them but will just say thank you or answer questions with the correct pronoun. This gender assumption happens from people with same-aged children, older people, 5-year-olds, all from a variety of national and cultural backgrounds. In one humorous instance, a break relief teacher at his school had been working there for a week before she changed his diaper and went "aye!" She had thought that he was a girl that whole time!

I know it doesn't matter at this young age, but I am wondering what people are seeing when they see a toddler wearing a blue and think pink. Is it because he has curls? It is because he is sociable? Is this how parents get on the ultra-gendered track and dress their girls in pink tutus and boys in monster truck t-shirts? At any rate, yesterday he burped really loudly, laughed at himself and then tried to make himself burp again until he gagged a little. I'm pretty sure it's a boy I've got on my hands.

First Birthday

It has already been over a month since our son's birthday! First birthdays are a big deal for parents; it marks one year of being parents and it is a year of transformation for all. Because of this, it is easy to go overboard on a party that the baby certainly won't remember.

We had a couple of mini-parties. At his school, I brought a "baby cake" with no sugar, eggs or dairy and covered it with puffs. Each child got a bib and then dug in. Another mom had done this a couple of weeks prior, and I thought it was such a great idea that I copied it. Why improve on something sweet and simple that already worked? Plus, the teachers said that my son had gone cookie-monster crazy over the other kid's cake. Second time around, and it was again a success!

The next day we had a close friends and family party with a decorate-your-own-muffin table. We had three types of muffins (vegan chocolate, blueberry, and zucchini banana), two frostings, and three toppings (mini chocolate chips, rainbow sprinkles, and puffs). People could decorate and eat their muffins whenever without having to wait for the birthday boy to blow out the candle and eat his. Because the guests--which included about 6 children under 5--didn't have to wait to eat the muffins, no one got impatient. It was a lovely day surrounded by people we love and our son was thrilled with it all.

Here is the recipe for the healthy first birthday cake, adapted from Homemade Baby Food Recipes. Note, this cake is not super tasty for adults except for when it's fresh out of the oven.

Applesauce Banana Cake, serves more than enough hungry babies

2 cups flour (wheat or all-purpose)
1 T wheat germ
1+ t baking soda
1 t cinnamon
6 ripe bananas, mashed
1 c applesauce
1/4-1/2 c soy milk

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees
2. Combine flour, wheat germ, baking soda and cinnamon in one bowl.
3. Combine bananas, applesauce, and 1/4 cup of soy milk in another bowl.
4. Pour the dry ingredients into the bowl of wet ingredients. If it is still dryish after mixing, add more soy milk. Batter will be very thick.
5. Pour batter into a 9x9 square or 9 inch round oiled pan and bake for 60-90 minutes. It will be finished when a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

8 oz (2 cups) whole wheat flour
1 tbsp wheat germ
1 heaped tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon (optional)
6 medium, ripe bananas - mashed
8 fl oz (1 cup) sugar-free applesauce
2-4 fl oz (1/4 to 1/2 cup) soy milk


Preheat the oven to 325 deg F (160 deg C).
In a bowl, combine the flour, wheat germ, baking soda and cinnamon.
In a separate bowl, combine the applesauce with the mashed bananas and 1/4 cup milk.
Pour the applesauce mixture into the bowl with the dry ingredients and mix thoroughly. If the mixture seems dry, you can add up to another 1/4 cup milk.
Pour into a greased 9" x 9" square or 9" round pan and bake for around 1 to 1 1/2 hours. The cake is ready when a sharp knife inserted into the middle comes out clean.

Read more: http://www.homemade-baby-food-recipes.com/healthy-first-birthday-cake-recipes.html#ixzz2CXzD8PsU

Read more: http://www.homemade-baby-food-recipes.com/healthy-first-birthday-cake-recipes.html#ixzz2CXzD8PsU

Breakfast Dates

We are crazy about our little guy, but sometimes he drives us crazy, particularly during breakfast when we are still recovering from waking up a few times the night before. I have a suspicion that any positive effects of caffeine are counteracted if the cup of coffee is consumed while wrangling a toddler whose shrill shrieks of delight reverberate in our eardrums. Goodbye to calm mornings when we read our newspaper "tranquillement" and chat about what we plan to do that day.

We are luckier than most because grandma lives close enough to babysit when we go out in the evenings. Even if we don't get a chance to go out on an evening date very often, we have gotten into the habit of having morning dates.

Once a week we drop our son off at school about 20 minutes earlier than usual (that 20 minutes is saved by not having to make coffee or sit down and eat breakfast at home) and we go to our favorite bakery. We enjoy eating our scones and brioches without a little hand sneaking in to grab what's on the plate or kicking to get let down. And, providing further evidence to support my theory, on those date mornings I never need a second cup of coffee at work.

Interactive Books

Books that pop up, have flaps, or other fun things to touch are a good way to make reading time more interactive. They can also help teach concepts like "gentle" while developing object permanence and fine motor skills. Babies love them, parents love them!

Here are some interactive books that we have liked so far:

3-9 months

• My Little Sweetheart by Sara Gillingham
• Anything by Sara Gillingham and Lorena Siminovich--they have about a dozen books with built-in felt finger puppets
• Anything by DK Baby Touch and Feel--they have chunky books on every topic, from bunnies to tractors

6-12 months

• Dear Zoo by Rod Campbell--different flaps reveal various inappropriate pet options
• Pat the Bunny by Dorothy Kunhardt--this book is a classic for a reason!
• Little Black Book by Renee Khatami--lots to touch with velvet, scratch and sniff, whiskers

 9-12 + months

• Heads by Mathew Van Fleet--a very sturdy book with lovely pictures and fun pull-tabs
• Alphabugs or any book by David A. Carter--26 interactive pages!
• Gossip or any book by Jan Pienkowski--these pop-up books are super 3D

Bath Time

We used to bathe our son every other day, but he loves it so much that it's become a part of our nightly bedtime routine. It is also a great way for papa to spend some quality time with him between dinner and sleep. However, all of the accoutrements for baby bath time can take up a lot of room in a room that isn't a lot. We keep things to a minimum since our bathroom is small and has awkward storage.

For the first 6 months or so, we used a special bathtub. It worked out great when he was tiny, and it came with a little sling hammock for him to rest on when he was newborn. It was also useful when he had an abscess in a sensitive region and needed a bath every time he went to the bathroom. Once he was sitting up on his own, we just put him directly in the bathtub with about 2 inches of water. Now we have this tub taking up space.

Toys make bath time more fun! But too many can take up space and make the bathroom full of trip hazards. We got these stacking cups as a shower gift and he has played with them every day for the past 9 months. They take up very little space. He also plays with a small tub turtle that we found on the sidewalk when I was 8 months pregnant. It was destiny--this little turtle is one of his favorite toys, and it has even traveled to France. Other bath toys include one obligatory yellow ducky and a random plastic dog that our son brought into the bathroom a while ago and has since made the tub its home.

Aden + Anais makes soft yet durable muslin baby washcloths. Again, we've used these nightly for a year, and they have held up well. As for those special baby towels with hoods and cute designs? Save your money and linen closet space for more Aden + Anais washcloths. The baby towels we had ended up being scratchy, and it's not like the baby spends more than two minutes bundled in one. Now we simply use the same soft towels that we use for ourselves.

Bath time can be a great opportunity to bond with baby while getting him clean. He can also splash around, practice pouring skills, and learn about the science of water. A couple small toys, stacking cups, some soft washcloths, and special baby soap are all you need to have good clean fun!

Easy Meals

I love to cook, but sometimes I don't have the energy or time or two hands to chop, saute, and assemble. Now that our 1-year-old is eating what we eat, I also have to make sure that it is manageable for him to self-feed as finger food and that there are enough fat and nutrients. Here are some easy meals that we all like:

• Ready made tamales from the fresh food section
• Tubetti pasta, Brussels sprouts, and ground hazelnuts
• Boxed butternut squash soup with cheesy toast
• French fingerling potatoes with raclette cheese or with tapenade (blended olives, olive oil and garlic)
• Angel hair pasta, frozen peas, and crumbled hard boiled eggs
• Black rice, tofu, and Thai peanut sauce

Basics to have on hand: variety of pasta shapes, boxed soups, hazelnuts, olive oil, cans of olives, variety of interesting cheeses, frozen peas and Brussels sprouts, eggs, tamales, dried black beans, black rice, tofu

Nighttime Routine

Some babies have melt downs when they are tired. Ours powers through, getting more and more hyper until he crashes. He has gone an entire day without napping and was still in good spirits by bedtime. Because of this, and since we both work and don't get to see him all day, it was a while before we were motivated to put him to bed at an early as part of a fixed routine.

We had a nighttime routine when our son was a newborn, but we never updated it as his needs and our schedules changed. After a few months, there was very little routine at all. We would wait until he was obviously tired before I tried to nurse him to sleep. This meant that we often had a giddy baby on our hands who would crack himself up and not get settled down until 10pm. It was fun but exhausting. We needed a routine!

This is what a typical evening looks like, give or take a half hour start time:

6:30 dinner
6:50 bath/clean up after dinner
7:00 pajamas on and read some books with a very dim lamp
7:10 nurse while playing music--we listen to Peter and the Wolf or the Carnival des Animaux
7:30 sleeping baby

The day of this photo, he didn't even take a nap.

We do keep flexible, but this is a framework. If we are out later than usual as a family, we might skip bath or books when we get back. If I cannot get dinner ready by 6:30, I'll give him a separate dinner while I'm cooking. Sooner rather than later we'll have to replace the nursing with cuddling, but this is much more functional than what we were doing. The trick is to start the routine before he goes beyond sleepy and into silly hilarity.

Backyard Picnic

Today we had a spontaneous backyard picnic.

Mealtimes have not been so leisurely lately. We watch over our son to make sure he doesn't choke and that he eats enough food. He often eats a bit and then throws a lot of it on the floor. Then he complains about being in the high chair. When he is free to wander about, he squats down to pick up and eat what he has thrown on the floor. I know, I know--this is all setting him up for poor table time behavior, but we really want him to eat and we also want to eat in peace. Finally, we clean up the baby, wipe the tray, gather crumbs from seat, scrub the floor.

Today was an unseasonably warm November day, and the sun was perfectly shining on our backyard at lunchtime. We decided to bring out a big blanket and eat al fresco. What fun! The best part was that our son was already on the ground. He didn't have to protest the high chair, and I didn't have to feel guilty that I was letting him eat off of the blanket. It was the most he has eaten for lunch in a while, and we were all in jolly spirits. After lunch, there was no table, tray, seat, or floor to scrub. We just shook the crumbs off of the blanket and played in the grass.

Farmers Market

With very few exceptions, we go to the farmers market every Saturday. We started taking our son to the market when he was two weeks old!

The market is full of sensory stimulation for a baby. Today he tasted three types of Asian pears, a persimmon, locally made soy milk, and nectarine jam. He got to listen to a couple buskers. He smelled the kettlecorn popping. He grabbed a lime at the avocado vendors and--ahem--explored it with his mouth. Plus all of the colors--red dahlias and shiny bell peppers, bright orange persimmons, yellow squash, green kale and baby spinach, and purple carrots. When he was really little, I tickled his feet with the rubbery soft fresh carrot tops and he squealed with delight. Now that he is older, I give him whatever samples are available so that he can try as many tastes as possible.

Over the years we have gotten to know the vendors. We don't know each others names, but we are friendly and chat. This is a community that cares about local and seasonal food, and I love that our son has been exposed to it since he was a newborn.

Transitions

Our infant is now a toddler.

Just today I received a note at his school letting me know that there is a space in the toddler class and that he would be transitioning over the last two weeks of November and officially starting in December. Aw, I thought, I love his teachers. And besides, he's not walking quite yet.

Well, tonight I noticed that he was standing in one spot, very steadily for a long time. So long that I had time to hand my husband his phone to capture the moment. Soon the moment became an event; the photo became a video. Our baby walked several steps toward my husband.

It is funny that even when transitions are expected, they can still catch you by surprise. On Monday this week, I dropped my son off at school and realized that I never got around to nursing him that morning, and he never "asked." A few weeks ago he had a toothless smile, and now there are four white teeth in there. I don't even remember when the fourth one appeared. His shoes that we got six weeks ago already need to be replaced this weekend. And everything will be different again in a month from now when I look back.

An object in motion stays in motion. The same goes for children, constantly in transit, growing and developing and moving from one stage to the next, passing milestones in a blur. This life of transition is an exciting ride, but not one that is easy to capture on camera.

Good On-line Resources for Nursing Moms

Have a question about nursing in the middle of the night and can't ask a friend? Need to know how to get ready to go back to work and continue breastfeeding? Ready to wean and have no idea how to get your one-year-old to sleep at night without mama time? Doing a web search often leads one to fluff articles and comment boards full of panic and devoid of fact. When you need an answer to pressing questions, these are good resources to have bookmarked.

http://kellymom.com/
This detailed site is filled with clear answers about nursing and nutrition. It also links to research and other informative articles and has good advice for teaching "breastfeeding manners" and for figuring out how much milk you need to express for the workday.

http://www.llli.org/
La Leche League International is the main source for information and advocacy about breastfeeding. The site has a lot of information--maybe even too much for the way it is organized. But they have it all--answers for nursing moms about housework, traveling, and working.

Kaiser Permanente
Since this is my health care provider, this is my go-to place for most health questions. It sometimes gives too obvious information for my taste--the breastfeeding section starts off with the question "What is breastfeeding?"

Favorite Books at One Year

At almost 3 months we started reading with him.

My son loves books and reading time is filled with pointing, chatting, and cuddling. To keep our shelves pared down and to keep things fresh, we have an active collection of books and an on-hold collection. Once a week I introduce four books from the on-hold collection and he chooses one to add to the active collection. It's fun to see his tastes change. Sometimes he has absolutely no interest in a book, and then it becomes his favorite two months later. Other books he loves week after week, month after month.

At one year, board books still are best for him to be able to turn the pages. The art work and any interactivity are more important than wordiness.

These are my son's current favorite books in English:
1. Heads, by Matthew Van Fleet
2. You and Me, Baby, by Lynn Reiser & Penny Gentieu
3. Animal Orchestra, by Ilo Orleans & Tibor Gergely
4. Let's Play, by Gyo Fujikawa
5. Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb, by Al Perkins & Eric Gurney
6. I Am a Bunny, by Richard Scarry
7. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle
8. Busy Barnyard, by John Schindel
9. Mog and Me, by Judith Kerr
10. Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed, by Eileen Christelow

Babies Don't Wear Watches

Babies don't wear watches, or at least mine doesn't. So the time change in our household has been more of a transition over days rather than something that happened at 2am Sunday morning.

Yesterday evening the sun was setting as we were strolling home from school. While I was rushing to get dinner together, my son was rubbing his eyes, whining, and resting his forehead on the floor. He fell asleep before dinner was even ready, and we didn't get a chance to cuddle or hang out all day. We usually have a couple of hours of reading and playing before the bedtime routine kicks in, so not having quality baby time was a bummer.

This morning when my son woke up earlier than he should have, I muffled my grumbles and seized my opportunity. We had a lovely time reading books together between breakfast and changing out of pajamas.  Routines are vital, but squeezing in spontaneous quality time injects joy into the day.

Baby Led Weaning

I checked out the book Baby Led Weaning from the library a couple of months ago, thinking it would give me advice about weaning my baby from nursing. Instead, the book was about a way to start babies on solids without using the jars, pouches, and boxes of baby food. Ever. Just wait for the baby to grab your food off of your plate and let them eat what they grab. This idea has been around forever, but it was revolutionary to me when I read it.

The benefits of baby led weaning is that babies begin eating the same variety of tastes, textures, and colors that the family eats, when the baby is ready. Mealtimes become sensory experiences. Meanwhile, babies learn to chew the food down with their gums and discover how to move the food around their mouths without choking on it. This sounds terrifying, but at 6 months or so, their gag reflex is nearer to the front of their tongue, so they gag food way before it reaches the back of their throat. For the busy parent, it frees up the time and stress of preparing purees and spoonfeeding them. The book addresses concerns about allergies as well.

When we first started solids, between 5 and 6 months, I was determined that it would be all homemade and as close to what we eat as possible. In practice, life happened. I tried to create menus out of limited ingredients, set aside vegetables to boil down and puree, and wasted food and time after discovering that things like potatoes do not freeze well. I ended up feeding him a lot of yogurt, avocado, and bananas because they were easy and didn't require cooking. Realizing that he needed variety that I didn't have the energy to provide for every meal, I started buying jars and pouches of bland yet expensive baby food. The ideas in this book I accidentally stumbled upon seemed very appealing to me.

In reality, it is very difficult to be absolute in anything in the realm of feeding. It is expensive and a hassle to provide him only bought baby food--but it is convenient and there is a reassurance that the baby won't choke. It is time-intensive to offer him only homemade food--but it is inexpensive and allows control over the ingredients and texture. As for baby led weaning, it sounds ideal, but is hard as a new parent to trust that the baby will eat what he needs when you see pieces of pasta on the floor, grated cheese crammed into the nooks of the high chair, and mashed potatoes in the diaper. Did he eat anything? Probably...How much? Not sure...Babies won't starve themselves, right? I hope not...Plus, child care centers much prefer methods that are fast and clean. Baby led weaning is neither.

The book is informative and the authors are passionate about the topic. Reading the book made me feel braver about offering him things like apple and peach slices before he even had teeth, and it was amazing to see how he was able to manipulate the slices and scrape away food with his gums. I can't give up the morning fortified grain cereal or the lunch yogurt, and I am mindful about what I pack in his school lunch, but it has definitely been fun sharing our seasonal food-based family dinners together.

Saffron Sweet Potato and Red Pepper Soup

These are great flavors together! My son is practicing using a spoon with a bowl that is suctioned onto his high chair tray. He loved this.

I adapted this recipe from one that I found in the New York Times. Saffron can be a little pricey, but it makes all the difference. Plus, sweet potatoes and bell peppers are inexpensive in the fall, so the whole meal works out to be affordable.

Serves 8, 30-45 minutes to make

3-4 red bell peppers, quartered lengthwise, stemmed and seeded
2 T olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
3 thyme sprigs
2.5 lbs sweet potatoes
4 cups of soup stock (I added 2t Better Than Bouillon to the water used to boil the sweet potatoes)
Pinch of saffron threads

1. Heat broiler to high. Arrange red peppers on pan, skin side up, and broil about 4 inches from heat, about 10-15 minutes. Remove from oven and cover pan to steam skin loose for another 10-15 minutes. A little skin is fine--just take off the skin that is easy to peel off and then coarsely chop the flesh.

2. Meanwhile, scrub the sweet potatoes, peel the skin if it doesn't look good, and then chop in 2" cubes. Boil for about 10-15 minutes, or until soft.

3. In a soup pot, heat olive oil. Add onion and thyme. Cover and cook over low heat, stirring occasionally until the onions are soft, about 10 minutes. Add sweet potatoes, bell peppers, stock, 2 cups of water and saffron. Cover until it boils, and then uncover, reduce heat to medium-low, and simmer for 15 minutes.

4. Discard thyme sprigs and purée soup with either an immersion blender or very carefully in a normal blender.

Serve with toast and chevre. Finish off with cardamom ice cream.

Our Nest is Losing its Fluff

As my baby's birthday is approaching, I can't help but think of how things were a year ago, and even in the weeks after his birth. Our house was clean. I was on maternity leave already, taking turns between knitting a hot air balloon with size 2 needles, reading novels, and cooking for the freezer. And yes, our freezer and pantry was filled with enough meals to last us for at least a month of low-effort cooking. It was nesting at its finest, and how easy things seemed. We are so organized, I thought smugly.


Now, even after cleaning, the house still feels messy. Instead of knitting, I find myself zoning out, playing games on my husband's phone while I nurse. I still read novels, but it takes about 6 weeks to finish one. Books on weaning and how to sleep the whole night through seem to have more urgency, yet they are also scattered about. We do manage to eat meals made from scratch, but they create more dirty dishes than we have time or energy to wash at the end of the day. It would be nice to grab something in the freezer on evenings when the baby needs more attention; currently there is only a box of chocolate croissants and a jar of beans. Our nest is losing its fluff.


With the one year milestone on Friday, I have taken the day off. I am resolved to get our nest in order so I can feel organized again. That way, I can let go on evenings when our active little guy wants me chasing him instead of chopping; I can relax on evenings when I'd rather lie on the couch with some wine and chocolate instead of feeling surrounded by unfinished business.

Pumpkin Patches

Today we went to the pumpkin patches up in Petaluma, as we do every year. But this year we had our little guy who got to explore farm life. We got him his first pair of shoes, and then he walked among the pumpkins, stopping from time to time to thump one like a drum. There were green ones, bright orange ones, pale and delicate ones, and even dappled ones. He also got to see newborn calves and mini-donkeys with long fuzzy ears.


It is such a treat to leave the city and see the countryside. For babies, getting to actually touch, see, and smell a farm is a great experience since so many board books feature farm animals.

Now we have four pumpkins of various sizes, shapes, and colors adorning our dining room table.

For those in the Bay Area, here are some north bay pumpkin patches:
http://www.farmtrails.org/find-farms-products/find-farms-by-products/#P

The site is tricky to navigate, but it includes other farm outings like apple picking.

Mashed Sweet Potatoes

This recipe was a hit with our little guy!

Serves 6-8

2 really big sweet potatoes, in 2" cubes
1 teaspoon cinnamon
4 tablespoons butter
juice from one big lemon or Valencia orange

1. Put sweet potatoes in a pot half-filled with water. Boil with lid on until they can be easily pierced with a fork, about 30 minutes.
2. Drain and mash in a large bowl with the remaining ingredients.

And that's it. Serve with black beans, tortillas, and avocado.

Back to Work Tips

A coworker recently came back to the office after a 4-month maternity leave. Going back to work after being warm and cuddly for a few weeks or months can be like an icy splash of water in the face. Wake up to reality! I have to wake up and be presentable at what time?

Things that might be helpful:

Choose a single cute photo for your computer wallpaper. That way you can get accidental glimpses throughout the day and when people ask about your baby, you can show them that one photo instead of being tempted to go through the entire camera roll on your phone. I changed mine weekly, and it gave me a little activity to do while drinking coffee on Wednesdays.

If you are still nursing, good for you! Be sure to always have a scarf or cardigan or sweater with you. Let down does happen when you don’t want it to, and it is good to have some assurance that you can be covered.

If you can’t have clothes you love, like the ones you have. Your body has changed a lot in the past year. You might weigh more, less, or the same, but no doubt you are not the same shape, and fashions have changed since you became pregnant. Splurge on a new outfit, go to a consignment shop, or figure out from what you have which outfits fit and flatter. You will surely go to work one day with bananas in your hair and jeans that don’t quite fit, but treat going back to work like your first week of school and feel good in your clothes.

Make sure you trust your childcare provider and that the baby does too. It is a bummer to be back at work, but missing your baby is normal and healthy; being worried all day about your baby’s safety is not.

Start slowly. Maybe get a haircut and go clothes shopping half Monday with your baby in the new childcare setting, then work half day Tuesday and start for reals on Wednesday. Think about how you want to ideally end your maternity leave, and work it out with your boss. You can’t get it if you don’t ask.

Lastly, think of the positive aspects of going back to work. You can go to the bathroom whenever you want! You can talk to people about non-baby things! You can remember that you had other skills before learning how to diaper, nurse, and clip invisible fingernails. Meanwhile, your baby has an opportunity to bond with and trust another loving person.

The Very Busy Spider

Orb spiders are weaving their webs around our yard, setting up sticky nets with silver dollar sized arachnids to avoid. My son has been interested in spider watching, so a good thematic book for the season is EricCarle’s The Very Busy Spider.

The Very Busy Spider builds upon a common board book schema of introducing various farm animals and their sounds. Added to this is a story about a spider who cannot play with a line-up of barnyard friends because she is too busy quietly building her web. This industrious protagonist ultimately (spoiler alert! ) reaches her goal, catches a pesky fly, and rests peacefully after a job well done.

Like many other Carle books, this one stands out because of its tactile engagement—the spider web and fly wings are raised. However, the third dimension is subtle; even though I model rubbing the page, my son still has not copied me. He does enjoy and respond to the art and the animal sounds that I make. But given our current eight-legged neighbors, the book’s biggest draw is the intriguing big spider on every page, weaving her web a few silk strings at a time.

Seasons Change

The Japanese maples and municipal trees that line our neighborhood streets are changing colors. All seasons are a time of change, but fall seems especially so. Sometimes a wistful feeling blows with the wind. Dry leaves scatter, orb spiders set up their morbid webs, and summer is ushered out in increasingly vivid sunsets.

Change is on my mind lately—today was the first day I did not go to my son’s school to nurse him. Our first big goodbye was when I returned to work. That was preceded by minor goodbyes—our first date away from him, my first quick coffee or lunch with a friend; it will be followed by other goodbyes and firsts—first sleep over, first weekend away. All of these farewell milestones build up to bigger ones—traveling without us, moving out, going to college.

Instead of feeling wistful, though, I am trying to think of how exciting it is that he is becoming less dependent on me as we wean. Because we have a good foundation of complicity and secure attachment, he can trust that our goodbyes are not permanent, and I can trust that in the future when he moves on into adulthood, his goodbyes will not be permanent. Change cannot be stopped, but it is reassuring that we can rely on spring cycling back to us.

In the meantime, I celebrate having a free lunch hour. What to do with my time? Eat lunch with friends, read a book by myself in the sun, squeeze in some shopping, and ease back into a routine that is more balanced.