Being a Bilingual Household

Last Friday when the garbage truck was inching down the street, our son got excited. "Tuck! Tuck!" We went outside to watch it, and then he toddled to my husband to tell him what he missed. "Tuck! Tuck!"

My husband only speaks in French to our son, so when his response included the word "camion," the little guy got a little stompy. "No! Tuck!" And then he went into his room and pulled out two French books with trucks in them to show to papa. They had a discussion about how with mama it's "truck" and with papa it's "camion." I'm sure this was the first of many linguistic conflicts to come.

Before our son was born, I read The Bilingual Family by Edith Harding-Esch and Philip Riley. It was first published almost 30 years ago, when people were still unsure about the benefits of bilingualism, so the book presents a lot of success stories as case studies.

The Bilingual Family doesn't give a step-by-step guide on how to raise a bilingual child, and that is deliberate. Instead, it presents the stories, challenges, benefits, and outcomes of several bilingual families. The key points that I took from the book are:

• Start from birth
• Be consistent
• Find ways to enrich the environment with the non-dominant language
• Don't worry, it will all work out

The book was very encouraging, and I know that in the long run, the benefits of having a bilingual household will be worth the occasional stompy moment.

Goodnight Gorilla

My son has been pointing at the moon, balls, bananas, ducks, trains, dogs, cats and hats and approximating their names. He has also been developing a sly sense of humor. The combination of these things has made reading Goodnight Gorilla by Peggy Rathmann quite fun.

A tired zookeeper goes about the zoo, saying goodnight to the lion, elephant, armadillo and others. Meanwhile, the gorilla has been following him and unlocking each animal from its cage. They all follow the zookeeper home, trying to settle down for the night in his bedroom until the zookeeper's wife notices the menagerie. Off they all go back to the zoo!

This book is really simple with few words, so it is all about noticing the details in the pictures. There is a moon on several of the pages, a balloon floats through a few of them, and a little mouse tugs along a banana throughout. One page is all black, splatted all over with the word bubbles "good night." The next page is all black except for two very round eyes. "Uh-oh" we say together and laugh.

Besides all of the pointing at animals and trying to find the banana and the moon on each page, the story taps into a level of humor that a 15-month-old can get. Plus the theme of wanting to snuggle up in the caretaker's bed instead of your own is one that, ahem, may resonate with our little guy.

Cleaning Chaos

Is it possible to have a clean house with a toddler? For more than 15 minutes? We used to clean the whole house every Sunday--laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, sheets, surfaces. We were so efficient, we could do everything in a couple of hours and the sparkle lasted at least a few days.

Now, we do a lot more cleaning and have a lot less to show for it. Wipe, sweep, sponge. Turn around, and there are crumbs on the cabinets, a xylophone in the dining room, and a half-finished bottle on the bookshelf. Wipe, sweep, sponge. Turn around, and there is a little chick in one of my shoes, a puzzle piece in the laundry, and half a banana on the floor. We are living the myth of Sisyphus. 

Except for Sundays when we still do a little cleaning flurry, I don't dedicate a lot of time cleaning beyond the basic necessities of having a functional home and walls without yogurt on them. This means that sometimes the crumb that got tracked into the living room may stay there for a few days or that a pot that needs to be scrubbed may soak in the sink until it is needed again. Our best defenses against mess--try to not have too much stuff, have a place for each thing, and tidy on the go as we move from one room to the next.

Keeping Books Under Control

I love books and am thrilled that my son does too. We spend a lot of time reading, and he has his preferences that change from week to week. Some of the illustrations and pop-ups are truly works of art. The problem is that I want to keep the quantity contained to what fits on his shelves, and we have two languages worth of books to manage. Right now the shelves are filled, so each new book means weeding out the old.

Here are reasons I may weed out a book: 

•  Grammar errors (one book had an unacceptable lay/lie error) 
•  Unappealing art 
•  Questionable messages (e.g. showing people as stereotypes) 
•  Too young (he is only 15 months old and is already growing out of books) 
•  Too old (he is only 15 months old and isn’t really into books that are too wordy, aren’t board books, or aren’t pop-ups) 
• Wrong season (Christmas books got packed up with our Christmas decorations) 
•  Duplicate theme (we don’t need three books by the same publisher with similar photos of farm animals—he’s enjoyed them all, but no more room!) 
•  Poor condition

However, some books get a save and end up on our family bookshelf in the living room. Here are some reasons I might store a book on these shelves that are also tight on space: 

•  It is really a beautiful, classic book that I’d like to share with young guests 
•  It is an appealing book in French that he may enjoy in a few years (French books are harder to find and more expensive)

Knowing that I need to remove books when new ones comes in curbs my impulse book buying. Plus, there's always the library!

Temper Tantrums

When I arrived at my son's school today, he saw me and quietly did the following:

1. bonked himself on the head with his hand
2. whipped his head back
3. whipped his head forward
4. went on all fours
5. lowered his forehead to the floor
6. kicked his feet
7. looked in the mirror then looked at me

Maybe it's because he's still so little, or maybe it's because he pulls them off with such dramatic flair, and as if he were in a silent movie, but his temper tantrums make me stifle a chuckle.

The steps above have been his routine lately as a reaction for all sorts of wrongs and frustrations. I recently received a newsletter that had some good tips on how to handle tantrums. First, looking in the mirror and back at me is a key--he may be mildly frustrated or upset, but he essentially wants attention. To avoid reinforcing this behavior, we should remain calm and redirect him to something else if necessary. We should also determine whether what he wants is negotiable or non-negotiable. This evening, he had my phone and programmed some new numbers in it or called Australia or 9-1-1, I don't know. That is not negotiable. I took it away, and as he went through steps one through three and was about to go on all fours, I redirected his attention to one of his toys that makes noise and flashes lights. Tantrum averted.

Often, my drama king just wants something that I am already working on to happen faster, like when I'm walking over to hug him at school, when I'm making a bottle for him, or when I'm trying to figure out which book on the shelf he's waving his little finger at. In those cases, I stay calm and maybe even go a little more slowly. It's a good time for both of us to practice being patient.

First Haircut

Our son had such lovely blond curls at the nape of his neck, it was difficult to snip them off into my hand. But alas! His hair was covering his eyes in the front and it was flipping all over on the sides. The big question was not if but how this first haircut would be done.

My husband and I are ridiculous and have been trimming our son's nails at night after he's fallen asleep. Newborn nails are microscopic, and we were nervous nervous about cutting off a fingertip of our wiggly baby. Fifteen months later, we were nervous nervous about nicking an ear or eye of our wiggly toddler. So we are now secret manicurists and nocturnal barbers.

The haircut came out okay. It is fine. Cutting hair in the dark with only a flashlight app on my husband's phone to illuminate was probably not ideal, but there are no funky patches. He looks older and more like a little boy, and I have another skill to add to my parental resume.

Bed Time

A friend gave us good advice before our baby was born--make sure you like your bedroom. She was right. With nursing and occasional co-sleeping, we spent a lot of time awake in our room the first year. We still spend a fair amount of time awake.

Paint it, rearrange it, get rid of things that are clutter. Splurge on new sheets and bedding. A fresh room and a cozy bed makes being awake at odd hours more liveable, and it facilitates falling back to sleep after a sleep cycle has been disrupted. I can't control when my son wakes, but I can at least control my environment!

Speaking of, and I know I am jinxing this, but...last night he slept from 8pm to 7am. And the night before from 8pm to 5am. New year's resolution #1 achieved!

Why So Few Recipes?

I love to cook, and I was very excited when our son started eating solids so we could share our food with him. I had initially planned to post a recipe a week that I found to be particularly successful. Why only two so far? It turns out we have a picky eater.

my lunch box might as well be empty

I have so long avoided using the word "picky," instead using thesaurus companions such as "selective" and "choosy" and even "discerning." But let's not kid ourselves.

It isn't that he won't try new foods or that he won't eat more than a couple types of foods. He has eaten and enjoyed spicy Indian food and rommegrot, a Norwegian sour cream pudding. He's chowed down on beets and lentils, spinach and persimmons. However, many meals for him are a teensy bite of each thing, even when we offer him a variety that includes his favorite foods or things he ate with gusto just the day before.

When he was sick this past week, he mostly refused to eat. It was starting to get distressing. But tonight when I was putting away the groceries, he saw the hummus, and he started smacking his lips. Feeling hopeful, I scooped some into a bowl and took out crackers. He was double-dipping like George Costanza at a buffet. I even gave him seconds.

There are different types of eaters, and there are even different types of picky eaters. Those kids who only eat pasta and Cheerios? At least they are eating. Our little guy is unpredictable, and every meal I hope hope hope that more will end up in his belly than on the floor.

Traditions Made New Every Year

Every year for the past seven years we have had a king cake party, where we serve a galette des rois. The big almond-filled pastry is served in France at the beginning of January, and whoever bites into a piece with the ceramic "bean" (usually a porcelain tile) gets to wear the crown. Of course, ours is Berkeleyized, with homemade galettes--one was vegan of course--and gaudily decorated crowns. It is a fun way to incorporate a French tradition into our lives while visiting with friends who have usually been away for the holidays.

Seven years ago, none of our friends had children. Now we are hosting parties with almost ten children all under the age of five. I think it is common for people to experience an epiphany when they see their house full of kids and think, "Wow, my life has officially changed. My parties are now menageries." We went through only one bottle of wine for a house full of people. People actually drank the juice. There were kids playing puzzles in the living room, others playing on the mini-piano in the dining room, another riding a rocking horse. Our son wandered from room to room, smiling and waving his hand around. He had an air about him that exuded, "Welcome to my castle. Feel free to touch things."

Our son only had a nibble of the galette, but he loved the social aspect of the party. Even though he's recovering from being cranky sick all week, he kept it together and was meltdown free. It reminded me that as we share this tradition with our son, we are also teaching him about hosting people in his space, sharing his things, and being socially pleasant even when he is not in a good mood. And so our tradition will continue, menagerie and all.

Under the Weather

We've been home sick most of this week. It has been a long week. A sick toddler means mama has to be more patient than ever, even when she is bothered by her own sore throat, plugged up ears, and achy neck. Moms and dads don't get sick days from being parents, and so we power through.

A lot of being a parent is stepping up to the plate because there are no other batters. It is more responsibility and sacrifice than I could have imagined. When he was a newborn, I initially had a dream feeling that someone was going to come in and take over, that he couldn't possibly really be 100% our responsibility. But no one else is going to trim his nails; no one else is going to hold him down to suction the snot out of his nose with those bulbs; no one else is going to deal with that stinky diaper. And I admit to thinking to myself at times, would someone please make that baby stop crying?!

Whenever he is sick, I find myself thinking there must be someone who can magically care for him better than we can and maybe take care of me while they're at it. When we went to the doctor this week, I was weary from him not eating, not sleeping, and not being happy. I wanted the doctor to take over with confident answers about what he would eat and how long he would feel this way. But no--childhood illnesses are often all about waiting it out, and the worried waiting is another job that no one will do for us.

New Years Resolutions

2013 will bring us more teeth, more words, and more activity.

Here are some of my resolutions for 2013 as a parent:

• Sleep through the night, even if it means going to a hotel and leaving him with grandma! My reserves are tapped, and rest is necessary to patiently keep up for a year of toddlerhood.
• Watch what I say. Our little guy is listening, and tone and words can make an imprint. I aim to be less critical of myself and others when I'm speaking and follow the maxim "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." There may be some silence in 2013.
• Or, fill that silence with French. We are committed to raising our son bilingually. My husband speaks to him 100% in French, but I know that he needs to hear more French conversation. My sleep deficit makes clearly communicating even in English a challenge. But this year I aim to have at least one conversation a day en français.

Happy new year!