Hooray for Sleep Progress

Since we gave up nursing before bedtime, my son has been taking a bottle from my husband. At first I had to shut myself in the bathroom so I wouldn't hear his crying. He didn't cry for more than five minutes, but I still felt very guilty, as I was abandoning a routine that nurtured and comforted him. I swear he gave me the stink eye one morning. A few days later, he accepted the change and didn't even cry before bed. This was a relief to me, though I missed spending cozy quiet time with my baby at the end of a hectic day.

Tonight my husband had to go to a meeting, and for the first time since we've weaned, I took on bedtime duties. I expected my son to protest the bottle from me. But no! We cuddled, he drank the bottle, and he didn't even cry. I am happy that I am once again able to take part in a cozy nighttime routine.

Transitions

Our infant is now a toddler.

Just today I received a note at his school letting me know that there is a space in the toddler class and that he would be transitioning over the last two weeks of November and officially starting in December. Aw, I thought, I love his teachers. And besides, he's not walking quite yet.

Well, tonight I noticed that he was standing in one spot, very steadily for a long time. So long that I had time to hand my husband his phone to capture the moment. Soon the moment became an event; the photo became a video. Our baby walked several steps toward my husband.

It is funny that even when transitions are expected, they can still catch you by surprise. On Monday this week, I dropped my son off at school and realized that I never got around to nursing him that morning, and he never "asked." A few weeks ago he had a toothless smile, and now there are four white teeth in there. I don't even remember when the fourth one appeared. His shoes that we got six weeks ago already need to be replaced this weekend. And everything will be different again in a month from now when I look back.

An object in motion stays in motion. The same goes for children, constantly in transit, growing and developing and moving from one stage to the next, passing milestones in a blur. This life of transition is an exciting ride, but not one that is easy to capture on camera.

Baby Led Weaning

I checked out the book Baby Led Weaning from the library a couple of months ago, thinking it would give me advice about weaning my baby from nursing. Instead, the book was about a way to start babies on solids without using the jars, pouches, and boxes of baby food. Ever. Just wait for the baby to grab your food off of your plate and let them eat what they grab. This idea has been around forever, but it was revolutionary to me when I read it.

The benefits of baby led weaning is that babies begin eating the same variety of tastes, textures, and colors that the family eats, when the baby is ready. Mealtimes become sensory experiences. Meanwhile, babies learn to chew the food down with their gums and discover how to move the food around their mouths without choking on it. This sounds terrifying, but at 6 months or so, their gag reflex is nearer to the front of their tongue, so they gag food way before it reaches the back of their throat. For the busy parent, it frees up the time and stress of preparing purees and spoonfeeding them. The book addresses concerns about allergies as well.

When we first started solids, between 5 and 6 months, I was determined that it would be all homemade and as close to what we eat as possible. In practice, life happened. I tried to create menus out of limited ingredients, set aside vegetables to boil down and puree, and wasted food and time after discovering that things like potatoes do not freeze well. I ended up feeding him a lot of yogurt, avocado, and bananas because they were easy and didn't require cooking. Realizing that he needed variety that I didn't have the energy to provide for every meal, I started buying jars and pouches of bland yet expensive baby food. The ideas in this book I accidentally stumbled upon seemed very appealing to me.

In reality, it is very difficult to be absolute in anything in the realm of feeding. It is expensive and a hassle to provide him only bought baby food--but it is convenient and there is a reassurance that the baby won't choke. It is time-intensive to offer him only homemade food--but it is inexpensive and allows control over the ingredients and texture. As for baby led weaning, it sounds ideal, but is hard as a new parent to trust that the baby will eat what he needs when you see pieces of pasta on the floor, grated cheese crammed into the nooks of the high chair, and mashed potatoes in the diaper. Did he eat anything? Probably...How much? Not sure...Babies won't starve themselves, right? I hope not...Plus, child care centers much prefer methods that are fast and clean. Baby led weaning is neither.

The book is informative and the authors are passionate about the topic. Reading the book made me feel braver about offering him things like apple and peach slices before he even had teeth, and it was amazing to see how he was able to manipulate the slices and scrape away food with his gums. I can't give up the morning fortified grain cereal or the lunch yogurt, and I am mindful about what I pack in his school lunch, but it has definitely been fun sharing our seasonal food-based family dinners together.

Seasons Change

The Japanese maples and municipal trees that line our neighborhood streets are changing colors. All seasons are a time of change, but fall seems especially so. Sometimes a wistful feeling blows with the wind. Dry leaves scatter, orb spiders set up their morbid webs, and summer is ushered out in increasingly vivid sunsets.

Change is on my mind lately—today was the first day I did not go to my son’s school to nurse him. Our first big goodbye was when I returned to work. That was preceded by minor goodbyes—our first date away from him, my first quick coffee or lunch with a friend; it will be followed by other goodbyes and firsts—first sleep over, first weekend away. All of these farewell milestones build up to bigger ones—traveling without us, moving out, going to college.

Instead of feeling wistful, though, I am trying to think of how exciting it is that he is becoming less dependent on me as we wean. Because we have a good foundation of complicity and secure attachment, he can trust that our goodbyes are not permanent, and I can trust that in the future when he moves on into adulthood, his goodbyes will not be permanent. Change cannot be stopped, but it is reassuring that we can rely on spring cycling back to us.

In the meantime, I celebrate having a free lunch hour. What to do with my time? Eat lunch with friends, read a book by myself in the sun, squeeze in some shopping, and ease back into a routine that is more balanced.