Hooray for Sleep Progress

Since we gave up nursing before bedtime, my son has been taking a bottle from my husband. At first I had to shut myself in the bathroom so I wouldn't hear his crying. He didn't cry for more than five minutes, but I still felt very guilty, as I was abandoning a routine that nurtured and comforted him. I swear he gave me the stink eye one morning. A few days later, he accepted the change and didn't even cry before bed. This was a relief to me, though I missed spending cozy quiet time with my baby at the end of a hectic day.

Tonight my husband had to go to a meeting, and for the first time since we've weaned, I took on bedtime duties. I expected my son to protest the bottle from me. But no! We cuddled, he drank the bottle, and he didn't even cry. I am happy that I am once again able to take part in a cozy nighttime routine.

Last Day in Infant Room

During the past couple of weeks, my little guy has been transitioning from his infant classroom to the toddler room. Tomorrow he will officially spend the entire day with the toddlers.

Transitioning isn't just for the tots--I have some transitioning to do as well. Because the routine is set, I will need to drop him off by 9 so he can participate in the snack time. In the infant room, we showed up any time between 9 and 9:30, but I always played a bit and then left at around 9:30. I don't think I will be hanging out in the toddler classroom as much. I am a little sad about that since I really enjoyed getting to know all of the little characters in the infant room. Will I even get to know the toddlers in this room?

There are also different expectations about the food. Before, I packed a mix of finger foods and foods to be spoonfed. Now, finger foods are preferred. Before, he had a little spot in the class refrigerator for his food. Now, I will need to provide a lunch box. Before, all his milk was in two bottles. Now, he will come to school with only one bottle, and the rest will be poured from his thermos.

So far the transition for our son has been going great! He's been sleeping and eating more, and the stories that he "tells" during dinner seem pretty entertaining. Now let's see how I will do with the transition.

Transitions

Our infant is now a toddler.

Just today I received a note at his school letting me know that there is a space in the toddler class and that he would be transitioning over the last two weeks of November and officially starting in December. Aw, I thought, I love his teachers. And besides, he's not walking quite yet.

Well, tonight I noticed that he was standing in one spot, very steadily for a long time. So long that I had time to hand my husband his phone to capture the moment. Soon the moment became an event; the photo became a video. Our baby walked several steps toward my husband.

It is funny that even when transitions are expected, they can still catch you by surprise. On Monday this week, I dropped my son off at school and realized that I never got around to nursing him that morning, and he never "asked." A few weeks ago he had a toothless smile, and now there are four white teeth in there. I don't even remember when the fourth one appeared. His shoes that we got six weeks ago already need to be replaced this weekend. And everything will be different again in a month from now when I look back.

An object in motion stays in motion. The same goes for children, constantly in transit, growing and developing and moving from one stage to the next, passing milestones in a blur. This life of transition is an exciting ride, but not one that is easy to capture on camera.

Babies Don't Wear Watches

Babies don't wear watches, or at least mine doesn't. So the time change in our household has been more of a transition over days rather than something that happened at 2am Sunday morning.

Yesterday evening the sun was setting as we were strolling home from school. While I was rushing to get dinner together, my son was rubbing his eyes, whining, and resting his forehead on the floor. He fell asleep before dinner was even ready, and we didn't get a chance to cuddle or hang out all day. We usually have a couple of hours of reading and playing before the bedtime routine kicks in, so not having quality baby time was a bummer.

This morning when my son woke up earlier than he should have, I muffled my grumbles and seized my opportunity. We had a lovely time reading books together between breakfast and changing out of pajamas.  Routines are vital, but squeezing in spontaneous quality time injects joy into the day.

Back to Work Tips

A coworker recently came back to the office after a 4-month maternity leave. Going back to work after being warm and cuddly for a few weeks or months can be like an icy splash of water in the face. Wake up to reality! I have to wake up and be presentable at what time?

Things that might be helpful:

Choose a single cute photo for your computer wallpaper. That way you can get accidental glimpses throughout the day and when people ask about your baby, you can show them that one photo instead of being tempted to go through the entire camera roll on your phone. I changed mine weekly, and it gave me a little activity to do while drinking coffee on Wednesdays.

If you are still nursing, good for you! Be sure to always have a scarf or cardigan or sweater with you. Let down does happen when you don’t want it to, and it is good to have some assurance that you can be covered.

If you can’t have clothes you love, like the ones you have. Your body has changed a lot in the past year. You might weigh more, less, or the same, but no doubt you are not the same shape, and fashions have changed since you became pregnant. Splurge on a new outfit, go to a consignment shop, or figure out from what you have which outfits fit and flatter. You will surely go to work one day with bananas in your hair and jeans that don’t quite fit, but treat going back to work like your first week of school and feel good in your clothes.

Make sure you trust your childcare provider and that the baby does too. It is a bummer to be back at work, but missing your baby is normal and healthy; being worried all day about your baby’s safety is not.

Start slowly. Maybe get a haircut and go clothes shopping half Monday with your baby in the new childcare setting, then work half day Tuesday and start for reals on Wednesday. Think about how you want to ideally end your maternity leave, and work it out with your boss. You can’t get it if you don’t ask.

Lastly, think of the positive aspects of going back to work. You can go to the bathroom whenever you want! You can talk to people about non-baby things! You can remember that you had other skills before learning how to diaper, nurse, and clip invisible fingernails. Meanwhile, your baby has an opportunity to bond with and trust another loving person.

Seasons Change

The Japanese maples and municipal trees that line our neighborhood streets are changing colors. All seasons are a time of change, but fall seems especially so. Sometimes a wistful feeling blows with the wind. Dry leaves scatter, orb spiders set up their morbid webs, and summer is ushered out in increasingly vivid sunsets.

Change is on my mind lately—today was the first day I did not go to my son’s school to nurse him. Our first big goodbye was when I returned to work. That was preceded by minor goodbyes—our first date away from him, my first quick coffee or lunch with a friend; it will be followed by other goodbyes and firsts—first sleep over, first weekend away. All of these farewell milestones build up to bigger ones—traveling without us, moving out, going to college.

Instead of feeling wistful, though, I am trying to think of how exciting it is that he is becoming less dependent on me as we wean. Because we have a good foundation of complicity and secure attachment, he can trust that our goodbyes are not permanent, and I can trust that in the future when he moves on into adulthood, his goodbyes will not be permanent. Change cannot be stopped, but it is reassuring that we can rely on spring cycling back to us.

In the meantime, I celebrate having a free lunch hour. What to do with my time? Eat lunch with friends, read a book by myself in the sun, squeeze in some shopping, and ease back into a routine that is more balanced.